i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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