Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
