She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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