By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
