Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
