My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my being single is dangerous.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
