i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
