Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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