Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
