"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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