she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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