Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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