remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
