I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
