Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
