wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
