i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
