Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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