windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
