i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're too hungover to prance.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
