Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
