problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we made out on top of his cat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
