everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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