Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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