So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
