Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
