It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
