Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
