happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
