apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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