I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
