There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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