Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
