Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
