i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to make a zoo with you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
