their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
