dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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