So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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