you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
