Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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