He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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