just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
