Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
