Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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