I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
