i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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