nut hugger
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
