Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
either way he was missing a nipple.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
