So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
