Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize