Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
