and you said cock pushups were impossible
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
