dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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