Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
