where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
