Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
