her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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