in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
