i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
