the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Randomize
