And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
