Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
