I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
