remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
