a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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