We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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