When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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