i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I smell like Dick and happiness
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