Your tits are I can't wait for
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
