was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
